Crazy, I am

Hello! It's been a while since I've posted, I know...

I've been so... like, obsessive lately... I really don't know how Ryan has so much patience for me... I have a feeling he's getting tired of it too... Like, ok, what's up this time, kind of thing... I really don't know... like, everything's great... except I know I'm leaving soon, and want to spend like every waking moment with him... which is not possible. And, in his defense, I never go right out and say, hey babe, I want to see you today, how can we make that possible. I beat around the bush and say it... which gets old fast. But I know I can't be so selfish all the time, you know... that I need to understand that he has a life too, and it can't all revolve around me... But, I guess it's something I'll have to work on...

In any case... life is great. I'm so in love with Ryan... it's totally crazy :) crazy in love that is... it's scary though, how much you can love someone, you know... so different in any case. But I'm loving going through it, especially with such a great guy as he is... I'm glad he learns to put up with me :)
not like I'm that bad, I'd like to think... but we all have our moments... and I think I give him way too hard a time... way too mean to him than I'd care to be... but that's something I'm trying to amend.. I always end up hurting those that are so close to me... at least that's what my folks say...... that i'm a bit ungrateful with them... it goes back to them bc i am a bit ungrateful to them, and don't want to do the same in my relationship with ryan....

then again, i talk too much... and analyze things so much they no longer make sense, not even to me...

so june 16 is D-day.. d day I leave, that is... to mysterious London... no idea what that'll be like for me.... Europe!! incredible.... I hope I get to enjoy every moment of it... even though I'll be totally homesick... at least ryansick... kind of an odd way of putting it, since I have yet to get sick of Ryan...

oh, and in August I get to go to Florida with Ryan :) yeeeeeeeeeyyyy... for a week :)
I have yet to inform my parents... though i've known for over a month.... I'm so bad... think I'm getting worse, too....
I'm 22... I should be more mature and stronger... right?

haha :)

anyway, enough delirious g for one day...


byyyyeeeeeeeee