Monday, May 30, 2005

One month to live...

If you only had only one month left to live starting right now, what would you do during that month and why?

If I only had one month to live, I would try to do budget my time accordingly in order to efficiently do everything I want to have done. I would spend the first few days trying to get my affairs in order, both at school with my coursework and clubs, and in my personal life, notifying people of my upcoming death and trying to assimilate this news myself.
Overall, I would spend more time with my parents, showing them how much I really care about them. I would also spend time with my stepbrother and his family, and make sure his children do not forget how much I love them. I would probably spend the most amount of time with my boyfriend, enjoying every day we have together. But also trying to prepare him for my death, ensuring that he lives a prosperous life, and will not dwell on my death so much as to ruin his future.
Then, I would drive to Las Vegas with my boyfriend and my parents, to tell my aunt and cousins the news. We would only stay there for a weekend and take many pictures together, so that they can remember me at this age, and not only the memories they have of me as a child. Since I would not be able to travel to Argentina and Paraguay to visit the rest of my family and friends, I would spend a few hours talking to them on the phone. I would update them on the recent things going on in my life, so they would realize how happy I am at this point in my life, and that I have no regrets. I would also call my best friend that lives in Israel, whom I have known since I was 3 years old. During any free moments that other friends have, I would spend with them. Since they are the people I have the most fun with, I would enjoy being in their company and forgetting the bad news.

Crazy, I am

Hello! It's been a while since I've posted, I know...

I've been so... like, obsessive lately... I really don't know how Ryan has so much patience for me... I have a feeling he's getting tired of it too... Like, ok, what's up this time, kind of thing... I really don't know... like, everything's great... except I know I'm leaving soon, and want to spend like every waking moment with him... which is not possible. And, in his defense, I never go right out and say, hey babe, I want to see you today, how can we make that possible. I beat around the bush and say it... which gets old fast. But I know I can't be so selfish all the time, you know... that I need to understand that he has a life too, and it can't all revolve around me... But, I guess it's something I'll have to work on...

In any case... life is great. I'm so in love with Ryan... it's totally crazy :) crazy in love that is... it's scary though, how much you can love someone, you know... so different in any case. But I'm loving going through it, especially with such a great guy as he is... I'm glad he learns to put up with me :)
not like I'm that bad, I'd like to think... but we all have our moments... and I think I give him way too hard a time... way too mean to him than I'd care to be... but that's something I'm trying to amend.. I always end up hurting those that are so close to me... at least that's what my folks say...... that i'm a bit ungrateful with them... it goes back to them bc i am a bit ungrateful to them, and don't want to do the same in my relationship with ryan....

then again, i talk too much... and analyze things so much they no longer make sense, not even to me...

so june 16 is D-day.. d day I leave, that is... to mysterious London... no idea what that'll be like for me.... Europe!! incredible.... I hope I get to enjoy every moment of it... even though I'll be totally homesick... at least ryansick... kind of an odd way of putting it, since I have yet to get sick of Ryan...

oh, and in August I get to go to Florida with Ryan :) yeeeeeeeeeyyyy... for a week :)
I have yet to inform my parents... though i've known for over a month.... I'm so bad... think I'm getting worse, too....
I'm 22... I should be more mature and stronger... right?

haha :)

anyway, enough delirious g for one day...


byyyyeeeeeeeee